Total Insanity!

Again, life and the craziness that ensues has interfered with my hobbies and leisure activities (how dare they!) I want to write and be creative but instead, I get to write about stuff like car a/c systems and how to rent a luxury SUV. At least it makes a paycheck, although a pitifully tiny one.

Speaking of paychecks...it seems that someone out there has decided that I might just be qualified to work. In their office. For real. Like every day. Scary!

I applied for a job on a whim early last week.. I really haven't been applying to many jobs lately. I don't even know what inspired me to look at the listings that particular day. Was there an unseen force nudging me towards a goal I had not yet discovered? Eh. Probably I was just bored.

Either way, I applied for a position from a job posting that I found in the local paper's online classified ads. By early the next week, I had an interview. That alone was scary enough. I haven't been in an office in any professional capacity in a year and a half. The last time I worked outside the home it ended badly. Very badly. Fighting the fear and self-loathing enough just to get dressed was an amazing feat, in itself, but I managed to do it with some amount of style.  The fact that I managed to lose 20 pounds over the last six months was a big boost along the right path. Not having to squeeze myself into a suit like some corporate sausage was the biggest relief I have felt in a long time.

So, I get all dolled up and I actually feel like I am presentable, only to realize my favorite shoes are still in storage. (It always comes down to the shoes!) So, now I have to wear my second favorite shoes which is a scary thing, because while they look smokin' hot, they have the tendency to deposit me rump-first on slick tile floors. Yeah, not a way to make a good first impression. Since I really didn't have a choice, I head out the door walking v-e-r-y carefully, hoping I look graceful instead of constipated. In any case, I didn't fall down, even a little, in spite of the entire office having slick, marble tiled floor.

The interview went very well, even beyond staying upright. I was on time (amazingly!) and I seemed to get along with both the male and the female interviewer (not an easy thing.)  It turns out that I was one of the few applicants that was willing to work for the salary they were offering. Who am I to complain about ANY sized paycheck, especially in this job market and in this tiny corner of the country? I was appalled (and also pleased) to find out that many people LEFT THE INTERVIEW because the salary was too low. Fine. Look a gift horse in the mouth. I'll gladly take the job that you snubbed.

As the interview went on, I found out that the low salary was balanced out by incredible, amazing, drop your jaw kind of benefits (I'll bet the walk-outs didn't even stick around to find that part out.) Then, I find out that the actual job is easy enough that I believe I can do it even on a bad day, but it will keep me busy enough that I won't fall asleep at the desk. I managed to ask pertinent questions they gave me good answers. Then. I wrapped up the Q&A with my favorite zinger - Is there anything that you think would knock me out of the running for the job? I love putting the interviewers on the spot after being grilled on my skills for an hour.

If they say no, then we are both agreed that I get the job. If they say yes, it gives me the chance to change their mind before I walk out the door for good. It also has the benefit of actually letting me know if they like me or if they already have someone else in mind and are just going through the motions of interviewing other applicants. In this case, they couldn't find any reason not to hire me, and they looked pleased that I thought enough to ask.

One more hurdle behind me. Suddenly, I feel like Superwoman.

Within four hours I get a call back asking me for a second interview. I was actually shopping when I got the call, but I whipped out my handy purse sized calendar and confirmed the time and date. I hope I managed to sound professional enough, even with the sounds of registers and checkouts in the background. They seemed very pleased that I was still interested. I don't know whether that is a good thing because they like me, or a bad thing because I am about to walk into a hell of a job without a clue.

The second interview is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I don't know if I am more scared that I will get the job than I am of continuing to be jobless (in most respects.) Starting a job means continuing to do that job every day and showing up on time every morning. Consistency is something I have been more than terrible at for the last several years. Am I ready to start over and attempt to become "normal" again? Or, am I just setting myself up for failure - AGAIN? Could I possibly survive losing another job?

How awful is it that I am worried about getting before I even get through the second interview? I guess (even beyond my horrible track record) that I would hate to waste their time and mine when so many people are looking for work. If I screw up this opportunity, I might not have another chance. This is a direct hire job. I can't blame losing it on the contract agency.

I am going to try and put this all out of my mind right now. I have to finish a few more articles for my freelance gig and I still have to feed the galloping horde. I have to remember that my new 100% is not the same as my old 100% I am better at some things, even though I am not as good at things I used to think were important. I am putting this in God's hands. If it is meant to be, then it will be.

I wonder how much more insanity I can take?

Deb "The Candidate" Lollar