I feel like I am in an alternate universe. I get home later than everyone else. Grouchy, tired, and gloomy I trudge through the house to my bedroom to get into comfy clothes and all I want to do is go to bed. Realizing that no one has taken anything out to thaw for dinner, I go over ideas in my head for delivery and/or quick dinner. Nothing sounds good. The living room is occupied by DH watching TV that I don't want to watch so I wander in the dining room which is also full. With children. With children and dice and game books. They are playing Warhammer, and all I want is to go to bed.
Friday night is here and I don't want to go out and party. Rest, and quiet, and sleep are the only things that sound remotely pleasant. For once, I'm not in a lot of pain. I'm just... very, very tired. Work has been especially draining this week. There was one entire day without The Boss there and it was productive and even pleasant. That couldn't last, of course. Micromanagement is never easy to deal with, but that on TOP of snide comments and outright ridicule is pushing me to my limits some days. The only bright part of the week was today when I got my paycheck.
Truthfully the rest of the week outside the office hasn't been all that great, either. On Tuesday, I started my morning by being woken up from a nap 15 minutes early by the exterminator. Right after he got there, LH called me because she got hit with a migraine at school. The bug buy took TWO MORE HOURS to spray while DH was waiting for me in the nurse's office. By the time I got her back home, I had just enough time to not lay down before I had to get Monster to her doctor's appointment. That was a total waste of energy because the doctor doesn't actually give the kind of treatment we were there for. It's a long story, but basically both the insurance company and the doctor's office told me they were a specialist in a particular field but when I started filling out the new patient paperwork there were big bold letters at the top that said they weren't specialists in that particular field. Crap. Back to the list of 200 providers.
Now, it was my turn to get to MY doctor for the long awaited allergy test. Of course, there had to be more surprises in store for me. The test I was prepared for was not the test I was assigned. Since I failed so miserably at the scratch test, the doctor wrote me up for the epidermal test. The one that takes THREE DAYS. Three days of wearing 60 wells of allergens strapped to my back with lots of tape. Three days without showering or sweating. Three days of extreme discomfort.
I was not amused.
After scheduling the day off on Tuesday, I got to back to work to on Wednesday to everyone at work giving me the hairy eyeball for being out. I swear they acted more offended than they did when I just called in sick! When I asked the Billing Guy/Office Manager if I could take a lunch break on Thursday evening at 3:00, he replied that WE DON'T TAKE LUNCH BREAKS HERE. After I pointed out that lunch breaks are required by LAW, he shoved a paper in my face with the current work force law listed. The line he had highlighted said something the the effect of "a worker does not need to be allowed to leave the premises, just that they be allowed to suspend their duties during their assigned break time."
This is pure bullcrap.
Regardless, I still took the time off on Thursday because I needed to get the freaking tape off my back so I could finally take a shower. I had to deal with the nasty looks and rude comments, but there was no way I was going to be late for this appointment. Not again.
So, I get to the doctor and the pull the tape off and you know what they found? Nothing. I'm allergic to NOTHING. Actually, it turns out I am highly allergic to the TAPE, but none of the actual wells of allergens caused a reaction. The redness from the tape was enough, though, that the nurse forced a zyrtec down my throat before I left.
Actually, I would have preferred a xanax.
I should have been thrilled that I'm not allergic to anything, but I'm not. I feel let down, depressed, and angry. All this aggravation, frustration, rushing around, being late, rescheduling, and being yelled at seems like it was for nothing. Maybe I thought I would find something magical out, like I was allergic to this ONE thing and that by eliminating it I'd be all better. I would give up just about anything if I knew it would make me feel better. Without any guidance, though - not even a hint - I feel like there's no reason to even try looking any further. I've got nothing.
Right now, I just want to curl up and forget about life. I want someone else to take care of things for awhile. I don't want to worry about making dinner, or making sure everyone gets just the right food and no one gets what they aren't supposed to. Just once, I want someone to tell me that THEY are going to take care of things and actually do it. It is too much to ask that dinner be cooked (or at least started) before I get home? Must I be the only one to request chores get done and homework is finished before 9:00 at night? Is it completely unreasonable to expect that these things get done on their own after I've been asking for FOUR MONTHS.
I can't do this on my own. With seven people in the house, it is completely reasonable to ask for simple help. I'm not asking for hours each day. All I want is 15 MINUTES from each person towards keeping their own house from being one step away from a Learning Channel special.
Life is getting too loud so I'm going to go somewhere quieter. I know I'll be ok. Just give me time. And maybe a chef and a housekeeper.
Deb
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