Frustrated

I am starting to reach the point where I am getting frustrated with all the "trying to get healthier" stuff. I've been recording everything I eat and do. According to my food log, I generally eat fewer calories than I am "allowed" plus I am drinking more water, increasing activity above and beyond the trips to see Dr Hawt, and still the scale refuses to budge.  I'm going into my third week of this with basically no results. Now, I didn't expect to drop ten pounds or anything like that, but even a teeny tiny drop would be welcome. I am EXACTLY the same weight I was just over a week ago...and the week before that.

I think the worst part is, I haven't had to change my habits all that much to align with the Dr's orders. Why is that bad? Well, if I was already doing the right things before, why haven't I seen any progress over the last few years? It doesn't give me much hope that working my butt off like this will be any more beneficial. Now that I have made the changes he wants AND increased my activity, I'm STILL not seeing results. I know it won't happen overnight and I know that I'm not supposed to expect dramatic changes so soon, but isn't three weeks long enough to notice SOMETHING? 

If you look at my overall health, I have definitely seen improvements there. I don't often need a nap during the day, I am sleeping better at night (finally!) and I have more energy during the day- especially in the afternoons and evenings when I used to have the hardest time. I've been checking my blood sugar level every few days and it is stable in the low end of normal. I'm actually seeing vast improvements in my pain levels to the point where I actually take less pain medicine than I used to. I still have general aches and tenderness, but the sharp pains that used to keep me from doing anything at all are much easier to deal with. All of this and I am much more interested in doing little things for myself like wearing flattering clothes instead of sweatpants and putting on make-up when I go out. I guess that means my self esteem is improving, too.

Now, I'm not really complaining. As you can see, I have found so much good to come of these dr visits that I wouldn't dream of stopping. I am just disappointed in the lack of visible changes.

Also, I have this nagging fear that has been gnawing at the back of my mind. What if this is just like all those times where I started a new job and felt good for a few weeks, but it was only a streak of some good days that happen right before I fall on my face. When the bad days start creeping up again (because it is inevitable that they will) how am I going to feel then? Will I still be able to drag myself to the doctor?  Will I end up in so much pain that I am out of commission for days? Will I backslide on the eating plan and gain back anything I manage to lose?

I really am proud with how far I've come. I guess I'm just a teeny bit sad it isn't more obvious and a whole lot worried that it isn't going to last.

Deb "Worry Wart" Lollar