Friday, December 18, 2009

Evil Genius Heart

My third heart is my wonderful little Evil Genius aka Eyeball.
Giving her a title like this might seem a little mean, or perhaps that I am setting myself up for trouble in the future by giving her permission to do evil things because of her nickname. I can assure you, neither of these are true. She is called Evil Genius because she wants to be.

At 6, she is the only one of my three to have been in trouble for fighting at school. One of the boys in her kindergarten class decided to get her riled up by calling her by a nickname instead of by her full name. In EG's defense, she did give him several warnings, and even told the teacher to get him to stop. He refused to quit, so she pushed him down on the playground (two hours later) when the teacher wasn't looking.

Imagine, if you will, a smallish, pale, blonde with long curly hair and huge, bright, blue eyes. She is classically beautiful, almost elf-like, but you can see that deep in those big eyes lies a deeper understanding of things around her. That's where "Eyeball" comes from. When she really gets focused, she looks at you and all you can see are yer big blue eyes framed by pale, ethereal curls of gold.

EG has a tongue like a whip and wit that will drop your jaw. Nothing could have prepared me for the little bundle of intelligence and humor that she has evolved into. I am amazed every day by the sorts of things she will come up with. Her dry humor rivals that of any adult and her sense of timing is impeccable. When she was not even four years old, she was taking songs that she learned in school and changing the lyrics to make jokes about her sisters and even herself. The running joke around here is how goofy Little Heart is, the constant buzz of activity of Tiny Dancer, and how much enjoyment Evil Genius gets out of making fun of both of them. Thankfully she can take whatever she dishes out and is perfectly happy with laughing at herself along with everyone else.

Of course, a wit like that doesn't come without considerable intelligence. During the last parent/teacher conference her first grade teacher asked me, "Just how high a reading level DOES she have? I don't have anything in the room hard enough to challenge

We have figured out she is at least 3 years ahead of her peers in both reading and math. That's as best we can tell anyway without more in-depth testing. She won a raffle at school recently and got to pick out a free book from a box (best gift EVAR!) She picked out a 20 page book, about 2nd grade level or so. Of course she plopped right down at the earliest convenience and proceeded to read it (it took about 5 minutes or so for her to get through it the first time. Then she read it again, slowly to enjoy the pictures.) An older girl (probably 5th grade) came by an was surprised that she had such a big book.
"Can you really read that?" she asked EG.
"Of COURSE I can. I can read Harry Potter Books. I can read ANY chapter book. I can read and do math at a fourth grade level, you know."

Now, I'm sure this sounds like a brag-a-thon about my girls, but having kids at this level is not all fun and games. When she gets mad, she gets MAD. When she wants to plan revenge, she takes her sweet time and BAM! she will get you when you are least expecting it. Little Heart delights in hiding just out of sight and jumping out to scare her little sisters when she gets bored. EG got her back just the other day by "innocently" offering her a drink of water with an ample amount of lime juice in it. LH spewed the water, not expecting anything in her water at all, and EG laughed so hard, she cried.

Think about the planning on her part to pull this off. She waited until she was already in the kitchen getting herself a glass of water, and she offers one to her big sister "just to be nice." (I know, I would have been suspicious, too, but LH is undeniably gullible.) So, she decides to spike the water as a prank and chooses lime juice because it was nearly undetectable by sight or smell, was decidedly yucky, but would not actually cause any harm. Not only did she plan this out, but the execution was beautiful! Not a giggle of anticipation or a pointed look escaped as she handed the sour flavored water to her sister. Think of the the sheer sneakiness of it! Not only that, but I really couldn't get mad about it. I have no problem with a good hearted prank every now and then and feel she was well within her rights, I felt, to get a little of her own back after being stalked and harassed as often as she has been. Being the youngest of three girls can be pretty hard, you know. Plus, as I said, she can take it as well as she can dish it out so I chalked it up to good old-fashioned fun, and let them duke it out.

As I mentioned, she also has a very dry sense of humor, and can be quite sarcastic at times (not sure where she gets that from.) Her favorite pastimes include, working on her Evil Theme song, creating art work of an evil nature (skulls, crossbones, princesses attacking dragons), and of course, perfecting her plan to take over the world. So far she has worked up a scenario in which she will go to the zoo, go to the monkey cage and throw stuff at them but make it look like the elephants did it. Then she will go to the elephants and make them believe that the monkeys are throwing stuff at them (probably poo, since monkeys are well known to throw poo.) Then in the ensuing chaos that will erupt, she will use an evil mind control device to get the elephants and monkeys to do her bidding and she will use them to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Of course, she hasn't quite worked out just how the elephants and monkeys will help her to enact the global coup and this does all hinge on whether or not I will actually TAKE her to the zoo. For the time being, I have planned on staying at least five miles away from any facility that has caged animals on site. There is no telling just how loose a definition of the word "zoo" she will be using.

Sitting down and talking with her about this is like having a conversation with a small, incredibly adorable adult with a propensity for quiet, well planned, violence.

This is really all in fun. When EG isn't working on her plans of world domination (or at least the submission of the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!) she is an amazingly mature and well organized child. She loves her routines and checklists for her daily chores. She even loves doing the chores. (I REALLY have no idea where she gets that from!) I can always count on her to be the one to pick up toys, load the dishwasher, and even - yes - clean the bathroom right down to scrubbing the toilet. I feel a little bad for her sometimes because she has to share a room and bunk beds with Tiny Dancer who is many things, but tidy isn't one of them. (As precious as TD is, she is most likely to be covered in dirt, something sticky, and whatever she had for lunch.) EG goes nuts at how much of a mess her sister makes in their room.

How I managed to get such cool kids, is really a mystery to me. I can see LH as a miracle in everyday life. The fact that she is such a sweet and cool girl is awesome beyond that in spite of her tendency to be a little high strung and high maintenance. TD is the popular, athletic, cheer leader type that I never was growing up. She's a little bit of a mystery to me because of that, but I do my best to support her however I can. Before EG was born I wondered what she would be like because it seemed LH and TD were as polar opposites as two sisters could be. EG has burned her own path in a completely different direction I could never have anticipated. It makes for a three ring circus just about every day. It's ok though. I love those little circus peanuts.

1 comment:


    This is a kindred spirit for me....bwa-ha-ha!