Friday, November 5, 2010

Counting Down...

What a crazy week!

I finally got all my uniforms and books for school. Of course, I have to hem everything about 6 inches shorter or so, but that's nothing new for me. I put the whole uniform on at once to see what it was like, and I'll tell you it felt at once both foreign and completely comfortable. There are several layers that are required and all together it's actually pretty warm. My biggest worry right now is that I will walk around dripping sweat all the time. I don't handle heat very well. I will get my tool kit on Tuesday and I simply can not wait! Those knives are a thing of beauty.

I had a little bit of a freak out a few days ago. I looked online at my schedule and all my classes were scheduled in the morning. I called my adviser and when he didn't call me back immediately (like he usually does) I kind of panicked. I shouldn't have though, because late yesterday he DID call me back (with lots of apologies for not calling sooner) and let me know that my schedule had been fixed and my schedule is back to nights, where it belongs.

The biggest reason I panicked about it, was that I have applied and been accepted to an At Home Customer Service position. Apparently, there are a few legitimate companies out there that treat you like an employee with real paperwork and paychecks and everything. There is always a catch, though. This place requires you to attend 6 weeks of training before you start taking calls. For some reason, when you accept a job working certain hours, they like to give you a training schedule that isn't at all close to what your work hours would be. For instance, I said I could work a position from 8:00am-4:30pm. They give me a training schedule (that I am required to attend 100%) that is noon-9:00pm. How much sense does that make?

Anyway, because of that, I don't have a real position nailed down with them yet. If they can't give me a training schedule and a work schedule that are BOTH at reasonable times, I might have to back out of it altogether. That would suck because I really don't want to have to commute to work AND to school. I might get to see my girls and husband for a few minutes each morning and that's it! I wouldn't be home until they are already in bed. That just isn't something I am willing to do. There are a few other options that have come up recently, so I might not be totally up a creek. We'll just have to wait and see what comes of them.

Finally, I got in to see my neurologist yesterday. Since starting on the drug cocktail that is supposed to help ease the symptoms of Fibromyalgia I have gotten a lot better. There is less pain on a daily basis and I have more motivation to to get up and do things. I still can't work outside the house, though. A full day of working would wear me out enough that I couldn't go to school. School will only be about four hours a day for four days a week, so I think I can handle that.

The downside of the meds are, of course, weight gain. Lowering the dosage doesn't seem to help. On top of that, the extra weight is probably making the pain and fatigue worse. It also appears that I am developing some sort of sleep disorder. It might be the meds, but it is most likely due to the weight.  So, I have to go through a sleep study in a few weeks. I will spend a night at the hospital hooked up to wires and machines so they can determine what is happening and if there is anything I can do to fix it.

It just seems like this crap gets better and better.

There is a part of me that wants to flush all the drugs down the toilet, go off everything cold turkey, and just deal with whatever I have got. Would I lose any weight? Would I have more or less pain than I thought I would? Might I go completely dog-nuts and streak through the neighborhood trying to jump off a very tall curb? There is no telling. Right now, while I am (supposedly) sane, I can see that my quality of life is pretty low. I have to think back really far to remember why I started taking this crap in the first place. I have almost 10 years of symptoms and I am not really sure if the newer problems are related or not. I remember feeling pretty miserable back then, or I wouldn't have agreed to start the meds in the first place. I can't remember if it is more or less miserable than I am now. Not a positive thought, there.

I know that stopping the meds suddenly is dangerous, and I really won't do it (I promise.) I am just afraid of getting into the cycle of taking something for a symptom and then taking something else for the side effects and so on. It isn't easy to coordinate all of it by myself. I have three different specialists that I see and one regular doctor who is supposed to manage all of this for me. She really doesn't do that, though, and now I live too far away to see her anyway. I have to go to the local Country Doctor for anything I need. He's a nice enough guy, but he gives the same level of service that I would get at a Prima Care or Care Now. "What do you think it is? Ok, we'll go with that, then. here's an antibiotic. Call me if you die in the next three days."

I had to see him yesterday because of a double sinus infection. I've got the antibiotics and I hope to feel better soon. Until then, I apologize if I seem a little disjointed and vague. I already feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck, but the cold medicine adds a fluffy and fuzzy feeling to that. It's kind of like being wrapped in a blanket, with a pillowcase over your head, and the contents of a pillow stuffed INSIDE your head.
I think I have had enough of this joyous feeling for now. I'm going back to bed.


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