Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sorry guys...

I honestly, really, and truly have been writing. And I even came really close to posting one...I just couldn't. Every time I start to write what's on my mind, I end up sounding sad and grouchy and even more long-winded than usual. So, here I will try to keep it short, yet meaningful.

Two weeks ago, I felt the lowest I have in probably the past year. I did not get the job that I interviewed twice for, and what bummed me out even more was that I realized I really DID want it. The whole practice of getting ready for an interview and reviewing the details of my life to see if this job was a good idea made me realize that I have come so very far in my recovery. I want to go back to work. I'm ready.

So, here I am - sad that I didn't get the job, happy that I wanted it, and now I'm getting headaches that are some of the worst I've ever had in the history of EVER because of the stress. I don't have any migraine meds with me because I haven't needed them in a long time. So, I was curled up in the dark praying for a quick and painless death, and that was when I got the calls and e-mails from the landlord. Someone wants to look at the house. On the INSIDE. They drove past and STILL decided they were interested. I tried to convey with every fiber of my being that my house was a complete disaster and embarrassment but this lady was serious about this house buying business. I did the best I could to muster the troops and do a quick crisis clean (which is impossible because a potential buyer will always open every cabinet, closet, and drawer.) As they pulled out of the driveway after a short 15 minute tour, I was confident that my disaster of a house would send anyone running for the hills.

Yeah... apparently not, because she bought the place. Yes in spite of the mess and in spite of the fact that we are still here and aren't the least bit ready to move.

So, now we have about six weeks to find someplace new to live. I already know there aren't any reasonable choices here in town because I have been looking for months - even before we moved here. I did some quick calculations with a loan officer and she thinks we can be ready to buy in the next month or so. That opened up a few more choices since we now can decide whether we want to rent or buy. But still, there just aren't enough houses in this place to have any real choice. Everything is too small, too run down, or too expensive. Every time we thought we'd found the perfect one, someone else bought it before we even had a chance to look at it. I was so frustrated! All I wanted was a place that was big enough that we could stop paying for a storage unit and close enough that I didn't have to make my kids change schools AGAIN.

I said a prayer in my heart for God to PLEASE show me what on Earth I am supposed to do at this point and tried to relax. Then, it occurred to me that the reason we have so few options was because I didn't get that job, so maybe I should keep looking for another job so that we can afford something nicer. (I know, it takes a while for the light to go on for me.) I jumped online and started my job hunting again and I applied to almost a dozen jobs in one day. I even wrote custom cover letters for each one. Normally, I don't get any reply back from my application flurries, but it makes me feel like I am doing something other than sitting around.

The next day, the In-Laws told us that they are moving to Colorado (which we knew) and they have found a place and it will be ready at the end of October (which was a surprise.) Their house probably won't sell, but they want to rent it out so if we know of anyone looking for a house to let them know. Ok, fine. I can see what is happening here. They are moving out of their house exactly the same time we have to move out of this one. Ok, but will the house work for us? Yes, it will. It is big enough that LH will get her own room and that DH will still have an office to himself. Then, they told us about the repairs that were being done and mentioned the rent she was offering. Then she told us that for us she would work us an even better deal. Like basically the same price as we are paying out here. DH looked at me and I looked at him and we both knew. Our days in this little country town were coming to a close. 

We spent a few days discussing it and trying to come up with any alternative, but nothing has shown up. There are no jobs here and no place for us to move to. If we go back to the city , we will be in a house we know, the kids will go back to the same schools with the same friends they had before. The deal that his parents offered us on rent made this the most affordable house we could have hoped for. DH's commute will be cut 2/3 and there is a far larger chance that  I will find a job out there than out here.

We took another week to really decide before we told the kids. They were each overcome with emotions, each in their own way. All of them cried and then decided they would make the best of it, because they are the absolute coolest kids in the whole world. Each of them has their own reason for wanting to go back now. LH wants to be with her boyfriend. TD wants to be able to cheer and dance again and she will have the coolest teacher ever. EG is the least excited about it, but we told her that she can paint her room whatever color she wants and that seemed to help a bit.

No sooner had panic set in than  I found out two different companies were trying to get a hold of me to interview. One was close to here in the country, but the other one was very near the house in the city. Talk about dilemma! Should I pursue both of them and see what happens? Do I focus on one and choose to let the other one go? Which one?

It took me a little while, just because I am afraid of making decisions. I mean, I make them all the time, but I always have a fear that I made the wrong choice, should I change my mind, will it cause even more trouble to change my mind, and so on. Eventually, I decided that because we have made a decision, we should stick with it and not pursue opportunities that would distract us from our goal. Getting a job out here in the country would serve no purpose since we would have no where to live close by. Spending more than  1 1/2 hours to commute EACH WAY every day is not the way I want to spend 1/2 my paycheck. So I turned down the interview for the company out in the country and set one up for the place in the city near where we will be moving to.

I will be going to that interview tomorrow afternoon. I am nervous, of course, but not a nervous as I was before. Going back to work is a change I am embracing. That change will help us be more comfortable once we move back to the city, and that is even better.

I wish that I didn't already miss this place so much. I am afraid that LH's grades will slip after spending a year out here getting the highest grades ever. Watching all three of the girls struggle through making friends and fitting in is simply heartbreak, and more so every time they have to do it again. I hate to pull them away from the truly special people they have met here. Between the church, the schools, and the band, I have made so many more friends than I have ever had before and it just kills me to have to let them go. I have never even visited someplace where everyone was just so nice as they are here.

I had to promise my girls that we would be back up here often to hang out. WP still lives here and DH has his Indian Drum practice out here once a month. I fully plan on taking advantage of this schedule to coordinate play dates and hangouts and all sorts of other get-togethers. We are going to have to get some additional phone lines to keep up with all the long-distance talking, but I think it is a small price to pay for kids who are happy, and friendly, and social. They won't be getting FB accounts or anything like that until they are older, but I think they will all be able to keep in touch just the same. I have a stack of envelopes and stamps!

I guess this ended up being long winded and boring anyway. I guess that's just me. It hasn't changed in the more-than-a-year of been posting, so none of you should be surprised. One request though, if you haven't become a "follower" please do so or at least leave a comment so I know who you are.
Thanks for reading!

Deb "Mover and Shaker" Lollar

1 comment:

  1. Bless you Debbie and your family. Change is hard but, I know that you and hubby have done the best that you could with your girls to make things eadier for them to handle.

    Your writings are always interesting and sometimes very inspiring.

    I pray all goes well with the job, move, school, change.
    Love, Debi