Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Productive? Me?

Wow! A second post in the same week! What's gotten into me?

I think all the good vibes from making cool stuff over the last few weeks has pushed me into another level of feeling good. I have to be careful, though, because sometimes feeling "good" is actually feeling "manic" and that is, decidedly,  NOT good. Sure, it feels AWESOME when my house is clean, my laundry is caught up, my closets are tidied, and I have a home cooked dinners, desserts, and breakfasts every day, but I just don't have enough real energy to keep that up all the time. Usually, when all that stuff happens at once, it is "borrowed" energy. I've got more than I need right then but I get to pay it back over the next several weeks by feeling absolutely wretched and drained. I'd like to avoid that, if at all possible.

Today, I'd like to say that I am in a good mood because I can look around my house and see things I've done to improve the place and I can feel good about it. But, I'm sure it has just as much to do with not having my normal sleeping meds for the last three days. When I don't take them, I don't sleep. I don't mean I toss and turn, or I wake up feeling less-than-refreshed. I mean a literally DON'T sleep. I can crash for maybe two or three hours during the night and then I am wide awake. Staying in bed at that point will just keep up DH. So I get up and try to be productive and quiet at the same time.I get a lot of planning and desk work done at times like this and usually the following days run smoother because of it. This is a very good thing because when I haven't been sleeping at night, things just don't seem to get done as easily. Or at all.

This morning, though, I was suspiciously awake and alert in spite of another sleepless night. After roughly four hours of sleep (achieved in 1 hour naps on and off all night) I was wide awake when the alarm went off so I helped get the younger girls ready for school, for once. Normally, to make up for never being awake in the morning, I try to complete the before-bed routine of laying out clothes and school bags the night before so even if I can't be awake to help, I can at least make it easier for DH to get them ready. Because I can't get up early enough to help, they usually go to school with hair standing all over their heads and mismatched socks. Okay, the socks thing is on purpose 'cause my girls are just funky like that. But the hair... Ugh! They look like street urchins in school uniforms! I'm sure everyone at the school can already tell that Daddy does (or doesn't do) their hair.

This morning, though, the two girls were ready for school early, with hair fixed and teeth brushed and clothes that were actually appropriate for the weather. DH took them to school while I grabbed a shower and got dressed and ready for the day. This is something else that hardly ever happens and when it does, I like to give myself a pat on the back for acting like a grown-up. Usually, I drag around the house in my pj's drinking coffee and poking around on the computer until I HAVE to do something and only THEN do I get dressed. Yes, it wastes a lot of the day (which is why I'm struggling to fix that!) For some reason, I was on a roll this morning. I was able to let DH go back to bed for a few more minutes while I got the teenager up and fed and off to school.

Another reason I was motivated to get going was because I had agreed to watch my little nephew all morning for my sister. He is about four and he has some serious issues over the last two years dealing with severe seizures and Autism as well. Watching him means I have to be on the ball! A lot of people wouldn't feel very comfortable taking care of a little guy like that, but I don't have trouble with agreeing to it. As long as I'm prepared, it isn't all that difficult.Besides, I love that little guy. He's funny and sweet and I have had the extreme joy of getting to spend a lot of time with him recently. I am more familiar with his needs and the way he communicates so that makes taking care of him a lot easier.

Yesterday, though, I watched him for a few hours and it was really, really awful. I was dealing with Day 3 of a migraine (hmmm, 3 days of migraines and three days without sleeping meds... coincidence?) and I was SO sick and in SO much pain. My brain just wasn't connected right and that isn't a good or safe position to be in. The kid was all over the place getting into stuff he's not supposed to have. All three girls were home, and were supposed to be helping me with them but they didn't seem to have any more luck keeping tabs on him than I did. While I wasn't looking he got into food that normally triggers seizures, and I had no clue. Once I found out, I was so angry with myself that I let things get out of control like that and I was DETERMINED that I would not let it happen again. I spent the rest of last night in a dark room with lots of meds not sleeping and praying that the pain would go away and may brain would engage again. .

As I mentioned, by the time the alarm went off this morning, I was in a MUCH better state, in spite of the lack of sleep. Today was actually a breeze. We watched TV, we played with blocks, he made a mess of eating some rice, and then he fell asleep for a heavenly 2 1/2 hour nap. Easy as pie.

I'm sure all this activity will catch up with me sooner or later. I'll probably be passed out in a near-comatose state sometime around dinner. Until then, I am going to ride this energy wave a little longer and see what other good things I can get done before I crash.


1 comment:

  1. Just so you know, we had no severe seizures last night (or at least no worse than usual). While I can't say "go ahead and give him bananas all the time", we can at least know that THOSE won't cause the severe episodes like a few nights ago.

    You did a great job on BOTH days, sweetheart. Don't doubt that for a moment. <3