I really appreciate all the kind words and supportive energy heading my way. Sometimes when I write, I don't even realize what it sounds like until after I go back and read it. Wow. I sound pretty messed up sometimes. That's just who I am, I guess. One of the many sides of me. If I pretended it didn't exist, well I wouldn't be very honest with myself or anyone else.
That said, I am doing much better. The catharsis of writing helps a lot. Just getting through the tough times and moving on is hard, but that that's just about all I can do sometimes. But, I HAVE made it past the slump, though. Dealing with migraines every week, like clock-work, for two months was draining and I seem to have gotten past that too, at least for now. I only had one in the last two weeks and I knocked it out fairly quickly. The fact that it was during the weekend was even better. It sucks giving up my days of rest and family time to something like a migraine but for now, I'd rather do that than miss ANOTHER day of work.
Speaking of work, I am doing pretty well there, too. Getting to work on time always helps. I made the decision that I need to actually commit to working full time, though. I won't be taking off a few afternoons a week or coming in late a few days when I need to. It will be 9-6 every day. Frankly, I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I have to remind myself, that I've been working nearly that much already. The biggest difference will be that I will have to make myself go to bed early every night, without fail. I feel like across between a six year old and an 86 year old. If I stay up too late and I don't get my naps, I just can't function the next day. But, if that is the key to helping me get the rest of my life back, it isn't all that much of a hassle, is it?
Tomorrow, I will (hopefully) be getting my food allergy test done. I just want this thing over with so I can find out if what I am eating is making me worse, or if my body just decided to hold a mass rebellion of its own accord. I'm asking for prayers and supportive thoughts from everyone. Not that I don't react to anything, but that I DO react - at least to the control solution they administer before the test. So far, I've tried to take this test three times and each time I managed to take some medicine too soon before the test date and it screwed things up bad enough that I didn't react to the allergens enough to be able to record the test. The first time it was vicodin, the pain killer. The second time it was flexeril, which is a muscle relaxer. The third time it was apparently SUDAFED. Stupid sinuses. So I'm supposed to stay away from anything that will lower my reaction to allergens.
This time I was REALLY careful not to take ANYTHING that would mess this test up. Until yesterday. I don't know where my brain was, or why it wasn't working. I just know it failed me completely as I was getting ready for bed. I have been out of ambien for a few days now (I'm supposed to get a refill at the dr tomorrow) and I've not been sleeping well, or actually at all. So, no sleeping meds, no muscle relaxers, and at 1:00 in the morning I was WIDE awake. I really wished I could take something to help me sleep. Wait doesn't benadryl help you sleep? Sure it does! I'll just take some of that. It wasn't until THIS AFTERNOON I realized - DUH! - I'm not supposed to take ANY antihistamines EITHER!
So, I'm going to attempt the test again tomorrow and hope and pray that I didn't mess up an entire week's worth of abstaining from my meds and missing sleep.
Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.