I managed to make it just beyond my one year anniversary at work before being canned for not showing up to work. I couldn't argue. I couldn't even be angry or upset with with my boss. He's been very understanding and has bent over backwards to try and keep me on as long as possible. I've only got myself to blame.
Maybe I could have drug myself out of bed just a bit earlier. Perhaps I wasn't in THAT much pain. I should really have logged in and just tried to take calls. Why did I have to be such a whiny little brat about having FM? LOTS of people have it and many of them go to work FULL TIME even, and manage to keep their jobs. I couldn't even make it to work four half days a week when all I had to do was walk to my office/closet, put on my headphones, and log in? I'm pretty pathetic.
At least, that's what's been going through my mind non stop since yesterday morning. That I'm a failure. I've been canned - again - for missing work and only lazy, self-absorbed, idiots get canned for not showing up to work. Of course, that is only half my thoughts right now. The other half is this awful crazy swirling mix of fear (that we won't be able to pay bills), indignation (I'm SICK for goodness sake!), sadness (I really will miss the awesome people on my team), relief (at least I can rest and not feel guilty that I should be working), guilt (of course, it was all my fault), and a dozen other feelings all pushing and shoving to get to the front of my mind.
I gave myself yesterday to mourn and lick my wounds, as it were. Last night was miserable, too, partially because I slept FAR too much yesterday and it made it difficult to fall asleep. Also because I had this allergy thing going on and I spent several hours coughing, gagging, and trying to vomit everything up. Yeah, I know that is TMI, but this whole blog sort of is, too, isn't it?
Anyway, DH was truly an awesome hubby because he didn't try to wake me up this morning, he just took the kids to school and let me sleep. Thank goodness the older ones can walk to the high school by themselves. I KNOW I kept him up all night with my pitiful coughing and retching noises, but this morning he was more interested in making sure I was feeling better. THAT, people, is why I love that man.
In fact, instead of of getting all pissed out my losing another job, he was the one looking on the bright side. "At least we have our weekends back. More time for pow wows and more time for beading!" How did I get so lucky to nab a guy like that?
So, now that I have more time, I can really focus on my Five Steps. Maybe I'll even get enough crafting done that I can sell a bit here and there. I'm pretty positive I won't be able to completely replace my former income, but every little bit helps.
Stay tuned to see what crazy shenanigans I'm up to next week!