Monday, April 28, 2014

So, you want to date one of my girls...

So, you've met one of my darling girls and now you think you want to take her out on a date. Maybe even more than one. I feel I should warn you. Dating one of MY girls may be a little different than what you would expect. You should also be warned that I consider my daughter and my niece equally important to me, so before you go any further, you should really take at look at these helpful little tips.

1. Fear is good.  Ah, fear. A parent's best friend. You might already know that Mr L is a Marine. He loves all his girls very much and he is just as protective as you think he might be. He also knows how to permanently remove you from the equation, make it look like an accident, and he already has a nice, long list of places to hide a body.

2. Make sure your fear is well placed. Mr L and his specific set of skills is certainly something to keep in mind, but he's not the one you should fear, yet (unless you've already done something to hurt one of our girls.) No, the first threat you should fear is Me. I am the first line of defense against little creeps who are up to no good. If I don't like you, you don't stand a chance. I won't ever come right out and say, "You're not allowed to hang out with so-and-so," but I have lots of other ways to make my disapproval known. Believe me when I say, if I don't want you around, you will know it.

3. Trust is better. If you want to spend time with one of my girls, it will be much easier if I trust you. I have to trust that you will protect my girl from any harm from others, and also that you will not ever be the one to harm her. Trust is not something that is given easily or quickly. You will have to gain my trust slowly, over time by showing me that you always have my girl's well-being forefront in your mind. If you are serious about wanting to see one of my girls, this lengthy trust-building will not be a problem for you because you already understand about things like trust and respect.

4. Respect is best. Respect is one of those complicated things that is hard to define, but is easy to recognize. You might say it is a combination of fear and trust. You should trust that I will make you fear me if any harm should come to one of my girls. There's more to it than that, though. Treating my girl as if she is the most important thing in the world is part of it. So is making sure the world knows that you value her in the only most respected way.

5. Show the right kind of affection. PDA (Public Display of Affection) is a fast lane to either earning my respect or losing any chance of seeing my girl again. When you are together in my presence it's ok to let my girl know you like her by holding her hand, for instance. Is is NOT ok to attempt to paw her like an animal or kiss her like they do in romance movies. That doesn't show respect for her as a girl or me as her parent. Even thinking about anything else beyond the kissing is clearly a bad idea (see rule number one.)

7. Value her as a person. Your actions and words will tell me very quickly if you truly value my girl the right way or if you are the type of person that objectifies females in the wrong way. I will not suffer the latter to hang around. My girls are all super smart with lots of unique interests. If you want her to like you, be prepared to ask about one of her many hobbies. Share your own with her. If you want ME to like you, be prepared to do the same. If you think that this is unnecessary, see rule number two.

8. Value her as a female. I know she is beautiful. She knows it too because I have been telling her that since the day she was born. Reminding her of this is perfectly fine, when done in a respectful way. For example, "You look amazing!" is good. Remarks referring to "sexiness"  or how "hot" she is are decidedly not good. Also, make sure to show that you respect and value your own female family members.Your comments and attitudes about your family are usually a reflection of the way you feel about women in general.

9. Value your relationship with her. Another way you will show her (and me) whether you value her is how you treat other women in your life and in public. Being disrespectful of other girls is a red flag for mothers who want the best for their girls. Ogling and and making crude comments falls into the "disrespectful" category. Participating in actions that don't support the idea that you are 100% devoted to my girl will get you a long walk down a short driveway.

10. I don't care what you look like or what parts you have. All I care about is how you treat her. Truly. This isn't a trick. Tall, short, tattooed, pierced, dark, fair, American, foreign born, baggy pants or tailored suit - it really doesn't matter to me. If one of my girls happens to prefer girls over boys, who am I to judge? I have taught my kids that people are people, and all people are valuable. However, regardless of your gender, the same rules still apply. Be yourself and be good to her, and we will always get along great.
After all, THE most important thing to me is my girl's happiness.

Deb "The Momma" Lollar

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