Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Awesome Assignment Part 2?

Last week I found out that my Awesome Assignment will be coming to an end. Friday will be my last day. Working for a highly successful, family run, private company is MUCH different that working for a large public corporation. First off, the environment is much more laid back. (Everyone has been there forever and so they all know not to sweat the small stuff around the office, or else they wouldn't have been there forever.) Second, the owners run the place however they want to (so if they they have a relative who needs a job for the Summer, they can hand out internships wherever they want to.)

She short story is that I started working at this place to help out while one member of the Accounting department (Stumpy) was on sick leave. His sick leave became rather extended so I go to stick around for a few months instead of a few weeks. When Stumpy decided to leave (or was asked to leave, I'm still not sure which) the open position went to a guy that had been in the department before and was already trained (and has an Accounting degree, and didn't like the job he had moved to, and has a wife who works in the company, and has a baby due this summer, and is really good friends this the whole department, etc.) i really can't complain. The guy is really nice, and very good at his job, and I'm just a temp with 2 months (plus 10 years) experience and NO real college to my name. When he was given the job, my boss (Cat Lady) still tried to keep me on by going to her boss and asking to open a part time position for me. One of the owner's daughter is in college working on her Accounting degree and needs a Summer job. So yes, they love me, they love  my work, they have a position open, but No, I can't have it.

You have no idea how torn up I was about this. I even shed a tear or two (thankfully, I was also fighting a cold, so no one thought anything of my sniffling.) I still couldn't give up hope though. In my heart, I have praying non-stop that something miraculous and timely would happen (as I have mentioned before.) By today, I was close to giving up completely. I started collecting e-mails from the people around that I wanted to keep in touch with and I started double checking my desk to make sure I haven't left anything personal behind. I was determined not to let it get to me. Cat Lady was working from home today, and I still had a pile work to do, so I was trying to stay focused and finish every thing up by Friday. I really wanted to leave with a good impression You never know what might happen, you know?

Suddenly, Soccer Mom transferred a call to my desk (never get calls at work.) Cat Lady wanted to let me know that a position was opening up in a different department and I would be interviewing for it tomorrow. Just like that! One minute I was trying not to mope and then next I'm trying not to jump up and down like a little girl.

Now, truthfully, the job isn't mine (yet.) I have to interview with at least two people. One good thing, though, is that the company has a strong history of finding permanent places for good temps. I don't know a heck of a lot about the position, but I do know enough that I will be able to do it very well. It is supposed to be an Office Admin position that works the front desk but also supports all the rest of the office, too. That sort of thing is what I do best. I have been told that the office is much more professional in appearance because they handle clients regularly. That means I have to be dressed to the nines EVERYDAY. I don't know if it is temp to perm or direct hire, but I do know that the position will be long term, not short term to fill in for someone else.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the answer to my prayers. I asked for God to help me get back on my feet. I wanted to to stop feeling sick and not stuck in the house all day. I asked for guidance so I would know which path to choose. I asked for confidence and strength to get back out into the real world. Most importantly, I chose to not worry and I put my needs in God's hands. What happens? I find  an old, un-cashed check from years before. (Thank you WP for making me go through all those papers!) I take it to the temp agency to see if it has been re-issued and I wind up filling out an application. Within weeks, in spite of the fact that I don't have an assignment yet, I manage to get the down payment together to buy a second car (after trying for three straight years to come up with any sort of savings at all.) Within 24 hours of buying the car, I get a call from the agency and I start the Awesome Assignment. Now, the Awesome Assignment is coming to a close and suddenly, I am presented with another Awesome Opportunity just in the nick of time.

Since I found out about this, I have been so nervous it was hard for me to work or concentrate. I have so much to prepare for tomorrow I don't know where to begin. The possibilities that have just opened up are making my head spin. How do I keep my head straight for the next 24 hours so I can get through this without throwing up? I am so scared! I have to wear a suit and I don't even know which clothes will fit me. I keep thinking that the interviewer will look at me and decide I'm too fat to be a pleasant Front Office Face or that my hair will look messy (in spite of whatever I do to prevent it) and will make them decide that I don't take care of myself so I won't be able to handle a front desk professionally. I don't know which worries me more - that I won't get the position (and then I will feel like a failure for ruining a perfect opportunity) or that I will get the position (and that I will screw it up majorly within six months and then I will feel like a failure for ruining a perfect opportunity.)

I have tried and failed so many times over the past  6 years. I have said half a dozen times that "if I don't make it this time, I will just quit." Thankfully, I haven't given up yet. Please, oh please, let this be a soft landing spot so I can finally stop feeling like my life is in an uncontrollable downward slide.  Please let this be the time when I am able to find myself again and start living like a real person again.

Debbie "Scaredy Cat" Lollar

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