Friday, May 20, 2011

Yeah, sure...ok. Whatever

End of the world tomorrow? Not likely. I could be wrong, but I'm not uncertain.
I have many reasons for doubting the hype, but I won't list them out here. It IS something to ponder, if not too deeply. Perhaps, it is just another reminder that we DON'T know when or where our last minutes will be. If  I did have less than 24 hours left, would I be satisfied with what I have done? Would I be ready to go?

After a few minutes, I decided, yes. I believe I have done the best I could with what I have. I apologize when I am wrong. I try to make amends when I err. I pray for those I love and even for those I don't. I hug and kiss everyone in my family every day and tell them that I love them. I have raised my children (so far) to be good, kind, forgiving people. I have taught them to be accepting of all others, which is apparent in their actions and words. They enjoy church and love God and equally enjoy the earth and all her wonders. That seems like a pretty good accomplishment.

I have been given a very blessed life that I am every day more thankful for. Sometimes the joy seems like more than I deserve. My cup runeth over, as they say. My loving and wonderful husband is more than I could have asked for. His patience and strength is never ending it seems and he is always there to fill in where I can't. Little Heart is as healthy and strong as any one of her peers (healthier than some, even.) She is becoming an amazing and beautiful young lady. There is no sign of the sickly, tired, and failing child I was warned she would be. Tiny Dancer is a perky and friendly little girl who lives up to her name. Not one hour goes by that she isn't singing and dancing to the music in her head. Evil Genius is first a genius, and second bent on world domination and I really couldn't ask for more. Today when her teacher was cleaning out her room to prepare for the last weeks of school, EG managed to score more than half a dozen books. Each one was chosen with a family member in mind. She even brought me an Eric Carle book that I had never seen because she knows I love the artwork.

I hope that these apocalypse predictions are wrong. There is plenty more I would like to do with my life. I just started really writing my first sci-fi novel and I am so excited. I think it will be a big hit if anyone gets to read it. I want to see my kids grow up to be the amazing adults I know they will be. I want to be alone with DH after they have flown the nest and enjoy every minute of every day being close to him and happy. I want to make new friends and revisit old ones and see the Grand Canyon. I want to heal enough so that I can work again and remember what being a "normal" person feels like. In fact, a daycare is opening in town a few blocks from my home and I would love to have a chance to snuggle babies for a living again.

In any case, whether the wackos are right or not, I thank you, my readers, for letting me ramble and rant at you. I have found an amazing sense of friendship here and the therapy I have gained has helped me heal inside and out more than I ever thought.

So, tonight I'll have a glass of wine and put off doing the dishes and folding laundry. Who wants to spend their last hours on earth doing housework? But just in case I'm wrong, I'll kiss and hug my kids, just like I always do.

Lastingly yours,
Deb "Nonbeliever" Lollar

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