Monday, December 6, 2010


My DH is back! How I have missed him!Technically, he hasn't actually been anywhere. He just hasn't been himself and I missed that so very much!

Before we made this big move out to the country, I made a decision that I would start making and effort to include him in our financial situation a little more. Things are really no better or worse than they have been for the past few years, but the burden of taking care of it on my own has been a huge stress for me. Just letting him know where we are and what needs to be done (even if I do it anyway) takes a major weight off my shoulders. I think this has a lot to do with why I am finally recovering physically and getting stronger.

Unfortunately, sharing the information also means sharing the worries. I kept things to myself for so long because DH tends to worry about it day and night. When things aren't going well, he tends to become withdrawn and negative and depressive. I guess for him, ignorance was bliss, but for me it was toxic.

The last month has been especially hard. My starting school means that I spend more money on gas, which of course, makes it even harder than it was before. DH's van broke and the repair bill is more than a month of rent. Since we were already behind on bills by a few weeks, we had to put off paying for the repairs and getting the van back. Being restricted to only one vehicle made things even worse when DH's boss was forced to end all work-at-home privileges. Boss Man isn't happy that he had to do it, but it came from above him and he couldn't fight it. So far it hasn't meant any other negative changes are due. It just sucks for everyone.  Now we BOTH have to commute more than an hour twice a day, and I had to ask WP to borrow HIS car to do that. Our schedules are off by just enough now that I have to get up after he leaves in the morning and he has to go to bed before I get home at night.

This does NOT make for a happy couple situation.

I thank God every day that he and I aren't the bickering/arguing/fighting type. When things get stressful we don't take it out on each other. However, there is only so much support and happiness you can give when you aren't even in the house and awake at the same time. It doesn't take very long for us to feel like strangers when we only get a few words to each other over the phone or e-mail.

This past weekend, DH was invited to go to a scouting event a few hours north of here. He rode with the other members of the Drum and he even scored a bit of cash for it. I admit, I was not 100% happy about it at first. I was asked to work at my on-call job and I had to cancel because he was out of town. (I also had the first migraine I have had in three months, and that put me out of commission, too.) Very often, when he goes to these scouting events, he comes home exhausted from the work and worn out just from the politics of attending it. In his own area, there are too many people who have either been there too long and hold on the to the wrong ways because they are easier, or they are new to the organization and try to cut it and hammer it to fit their own needs. For someone who loves the heart of the organization the way DH does, it can create a political hell storm. The patience, dedication, and support he gives in the face of backstabbing, cheating, and lying is a testament to the type of man he is. It is one of the many reasons I love him so much.

Sunday morning, when he came home I was completely surprised by his attitude. He was truly a different man than he was when he left. Instead of the same, backwards, obstinate group he usually has to deal with, he was asked to teach and perform by a different group who were thankful, supportive, attentive, and extremely gracious. He was able to teach things the way he was taught to, and he had boys and adults who were willing to listen (and were excited to learn!) Feeling appreciated for doing what he loves to do made such an amazing difference for him. He smiled, snuggled the kids, and kissed me like my husband for the first time in weeks.

The friend he rode out there with stayed over for the rest of the day and all three of us sat and talked like grown-ups. He started talking about his weekend and for once he didn't have anything negative to say. I made lunch and we all worked a bit on some of the crafts that DH does. We got to reconnect as adults and talk about things we all knew about. By the time the afternoon was nearly gone, I felt recharged and energized, too. We didn't talk about money, or crappy jobs, or anything truly negative all day. I can't remember the last time I had a guest over without panicking over the state of the house and worrying about everything else, too.

Around 4:30, we had been talking for almost four hours but we were due at the church to practice for the Christmas program. Last week DH agreed to help the men out by singing, even though he has never actually sung in a choir before. Instead of backing like I really thought he would, he went with me, sang, and even lent his skills with the trombone to the caroling practice. After that we spent some time talking with the other members and decided to grab a pizza for dinner. (We happen to have an excellent and inexpensive pizza place nearby but it is pick up only - no delivery - so we haven't gone there much since we moved. Pizza has become a treat again instead of a last minute alternative for forgetting to go shopping.)

We brought pizza home for the kids and DH's mood was infectious. I was smiling and happy and laughing. All of the girls did their chores without fighting (EG even went above and beyond, just because she wanted to.) Bedtime was a breeze and before we realized it, it was 10:00 and DH and I had been talking with each other all night.  For the first time in a long time, I didn't want to go to bed and go to sleep. I just wanted to stay up all night and talk about anything and be happy with him. Before bed, DH reached in, grabbed my face to pull it close to him and gave me a long passionate kiss. My throat got tight and tears sprung up as I realized just how much I had missed that. I remembered again all the reasons I love this man and why he still makes me smile after all this time without even trying.

Tomorrow, December 7th, is Pearl Harbor Day, the day that America was forced into participation in World War II by the Japanese bombing of our fleet stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. It also happens to be the day that DH and I first met 15 years ago. We both kind of chuckle because it is known as "the day that will live in infamy." I suppose that is as true for us as it is for the rest of the world. We had a rocky start all those years ago and we didn't get here the easy way, for sure. I know that the reasons we are together today are hard work, dedication, forgiveness, compassion. tolerance, and especially love. My heart knows that The Universe had a special purpose for us; that someday we would be together and the little pool of life we live in would be touched by the ripples of what we are and who we are.
I know I could never make those ripples without him. I am thankful for every drop of every day we have together.

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