It's been more than a week since I finished getting all the shots in my knees. I don't have full mobility back, but I am getting better, slowly but surely. I can handle short sets of stairs without my legs getting all wobbly and I am not actually in any real amount of pain 90% of the time. I still can't do things like squat or kneel, but I hope I will eventually get there.
This past week I was pretty busy taking care of things around the house. For the first time in months, I was able to wash dishes, clean the kitchen, clean the floors, and bathe the dog all by myself. It feels so good to have a little piece of my life back, even if it is the part of life I despise the most. I still have a long way to go before I am 100%, but I can take heart knowing that I AM improving every day. Today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.
Maybe it is just the awesome weather we are having that has put me in a good mood. Something about the weather changing here in Texas always gives me a boost of energy and encourages me to take care of all the little things I have been putting off. Spring time inspires me to pull out every bit of motivation I have and put it to the best use I can. The warm breeze and sunshiny afternoons make me want to pull weeds and plant flowers. That is actually a good metaphor for the way I feel - get rid of the stuff I don't like and start up things I'm proud of. Everywhere I look and listen I see and hear people tossing out trash and dusting windowsills. Kids are running up and down the street in new sandals and shorts. Piles of dead leaves are being tossed out and tiny buds are popping up on all the bushes and in every flower bed.
Even in church, this is the time of year when we are asked to look inside ourselves and identify the actions and thoughts that we aren't proud of and replace them with the types of things that will make us better people. Whether you are Christian or not, this is a good thing to do. Everyone human should be able to look honestly in the mirror and if you don't like who you see, you should be able to take the steps to fix it. Even when the things you don't like aren't in your power to change, you can, at the very least, change your own reactions and outlook on them.
For me, I haven't liked who I saw very often. Physically, I have a hard time relating to being a plus-sized, petite woman. I miss my long hair and long for the days when I didn't look like the "Before" picture of an acne medication commercial. Personally, I hate that I miss out on so much because I am tired and in pain. I listen to the fear in my head too often and I ignore the voices that tell me to trust in my own judgement. I give in to unhealthy cravings while at the same time, I deny myself healthy foods and talk myself out of taking actions that are good for my health. Perhaps one of my worst crimes against myself is how I love to beat myself up over every little flaw and mistake. Even when I succeed I can't celebrate my achievement without reminding myself how far I have still to go and how long it took me to make headway on my goals.
Out with the old and in with the new.
Instead of January first being the start of a new year for me, I think I will make April first my New Years Day. How about I just make TODAY my New Years day. I can do that again tomorrow if I need to, and the day after that, and the day after that. I will keep giving myself a clean slate and a chance to start over every day until I get it right.
In many organizations after a big milestone has been met, the management has a debriefing meeting, or a post-activity breakdown. Often they go through an exercise called Start-Stop-Continue or Roses-Thorns-Buds. What went right? What went wrong? What do we need to do better next time?
How about you? What do you have in your life that is worth getting rid of? What are you going to start doing that makes you feel good? What have you been doing that you enjoy that you want to do more of?